It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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