hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize