OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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