Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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