found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
