Umm I'm too high to move.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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