every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think your dad took our porno
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize