Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
