I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I DEMAND FORESKIN
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
