I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
