Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
