I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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