you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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