dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
