I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
