Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
