just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
