take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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