just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
