I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
