i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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