May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
