i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
