So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
