You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
