Betty ford says i'm here all night
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
