maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
