we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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