1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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