I'm drive I can fine osifer
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Dick very happy bro
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
