Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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