thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
