its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
