Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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