puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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