I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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