Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
