I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
