he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
