He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
