oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
