I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I didn't notice because vodka
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
