I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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