Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Someone came in the potted fern
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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