How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
