I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
