I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
