Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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