im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
This house was built for laser tag.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
