i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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