Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
