Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
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