Fine. I'll sleep in my office
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
