I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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