I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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