So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
