so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
