my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize