Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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