Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
