Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
