Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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