I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
