Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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