bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
