I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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