my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
