if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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