he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
