I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It was confusing and full of hummus
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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