Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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