So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
