Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
