This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
