evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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