You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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