it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I cut my penus on the lid.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
