You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
