she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
