oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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