I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Come see our sink grown plant.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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