can u get pink eye on your cock?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
