I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
