Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
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