He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
