He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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