I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
