Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
