you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
