I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
