i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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