Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
