Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
