I am puke
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
All I want is dick and wine.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
