Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
