Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
