I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
