i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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