She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize