i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
