Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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