My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
