I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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