no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
